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Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then cummed home and showered . When I went into room to change, mom woke up and started pounding on door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was 4 sleeping so late . When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me 4 "talking back" .
Today, while running, a man ran up next to me an started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me an I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he say down on mah lawn in protest. He has been there fir over 4 hours. FML
Today, I Went To Parents House!! I Recently Lost About 30 Lbs!! My Mom Hugged Me And Said, "Aww, You're Chubby Baby Girl Anymore." She Then Said She Wished I Were Still Fat Because She Missed It!! She's The Reason I Lost The Weight; She Used To Tease And Taunt Me!! Thanks Mom!! Mega FML
Today, mah boyfriand an I talkad about our past ralationships. Ha said ha broka up with his last girlfriand cuz sha was "too smart" fir him, an that ha falt battar baing with somaona who "doasn't hava too many lights on upstairs, if u know what I maan." FML
Today, I was playing a video game that required me to looool hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw wat I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML
today after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place an things startd getting hot. I went in the bathroom an put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it lookd ( like a cucumber ) an ( cucumbers are nasty. ) FML
Today, feeling te need to spice tings up in our sex life, I dressed up in ma usband's navy uniform jacket, at, and a pair of eels. Wen e came into te room, e took one look at me and started lauging uncontrollably. FML
Today... I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing 4 her in the storehere she works. Turns out... she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount looool of attention caused a panic attack. No... I didn't get a date. FML
Today, mah idiot horse decidd to grab a mouthful of stinging nettleshile I was riding him. He panickd at the burning sensation in his mouth and buckd me off. Don't worry, though, mah fall was cushiond, by the nettles. FML
Friday 27 March 2015