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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my fiancé and I were planning to move to a cheaper apartment which my mother agreed to rent us. She was very supportive and excited that we'd be closer, and it was great until she gave us a list of books, movies, games, etc. that we can't bring because they're "demonic". FML

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58221) - you deserved it (7974)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

#20651541
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53510) - you deserved it (3955)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:01am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a slip through my door saying that the package I'd ordered couldn't be delivered today because no-one was home to sign for it. I got the slip just in time to watch the guy who put it through my letterbox get in his van, look me in the eye and drive off. FML

#20670426
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47078) - you deserved it (3469)

On 05/18/2013 at 5:41am - misc - by JACKxRAWR (man) - United Kingdom

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

#20673360
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44628) - you deserved it (5984)

On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

#20692497
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55800) - you deserved it (5696)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:49am - money - by $$$ - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at work, my boss made me go outside and wash people's cars for free. I work at Verizon. FML

#20677176
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41871) - you deserved it (3993)

On 05/21/2013 at 2:31am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

#20685944
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45047) - you deserved it (4519)

On 05/25/2013 at 6:13pm - work - by leela (woman) - United States

Today, my mom has gone completely insane and insists we only flush the toilet or wash our hands at the start or end of the day, "to save on bills." My young sister thinks it's the best idea ever. My mom makes our food, and my sister just loves to touch everyone's faces. FML

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

#20675279
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40729) - you deserved it (3088)

On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

#20639678
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40475) - you deserved it (5517)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:39pm - misc - by DeActivated (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46096) - you deserved it (4044)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

#20677848
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51407) - you deserved it (4909)

On 05/21/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by mammasboy - United States (Illinois)



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