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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

#20665470
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44768) - you deserved it (3054)

On 05/15/2013 at 5:47pm - work - by Seriously? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

#20690062
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41810) - you deserved it (13470)

On 05/27/2013 at 8:56pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

#20688373
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47419) - you deserved it (10038)

On 05/26/2013 at 11:14pm - love - by JJLight (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was torn from my car and slammed against the hood because a canister of window-cleaning wipes I keep in my glove compartment apparently looks vaguely like a pipe-bomb. My lawyer agreed with the cops, and won't handle the "excessive force" case I threatened the police with. FML

#20683298
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41337) - you deserved it (3933)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:42am - misc - by JDziewaltowski (man) - United States

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

#20686007
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48178) - you deserved it (4410)

On 05/25/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

#20640437
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44374) - you deserved it (10907)

On 05/04/2013 at 4:11am - health - by thatonesilentkidinclass (man) - Philippines (Batangas)

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

#20636451
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44238) - you deserved it (6147)

On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

#20679293
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41664) - you deserved it (3119)

On 05/22/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by SadPuppy - United States

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

#20670019
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40547) - you deserved it (11767)

On 05/17/2013 at 10:59pm - love - by moo... -

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

#20684326
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40164) - you deserved it (6242)

On 05/24/2013 at 7:42pm - love - by yesguysgetabusedtoo (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

#20662885
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44257) - you deserved it (3443)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56167) - you deserved it (7742)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

#20651541
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52248) - you deserved it (3853)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:01am - love - by Anonymous - United States



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