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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

#20672246
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44077) - you deserved it (25694)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:26am - misc - by Devin - United States

Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with 4 other people, with one fridge. FML

#20688590
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45237) - you deserved it (2979)

On 05/27/2013 at 1:05am - health - by you're shitting me - Australia

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21210) - you deserved it (37784)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

#20650425
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25377) - you deserved it (50950)

On 05/08/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by Checkless chick - United States

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

#20689927
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53543) - you deserved it (11635)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

#20642261
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55116) - you deserved it (10617)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by dancer, not a hooker... - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

#20665284
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63594) - you deserved it (4146)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while doing a fun genetics game in Biology, I found out that I was adopted. Turns out the game wasn't so fun. FML

#20661511
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54497) - you deserved it (3049)

On 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56172) - you deserved it (33008)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

#20644793
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47841) - you deserved it (10527)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by wat_dafuq_bro (man) -

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53383) - you deserved it (4141)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my ex husband walking with his very beautiful, very pregnant wife. We divorced 7 months ago because he told me he was gay. FML

#20655918
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72992) - you deserved it (5196)

On 05/11/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by stephscort - United States (Connecticut)



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