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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

#20655447
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52903) - you deserved it (4389)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:01am - love - by Bridget - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49238) - you deserved it (6922)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21971) - you deserved it (45759)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

#20672990
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38497) - you deserved it (2525)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

#20696326
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43637) - you deserved it (2852)

On 05/30/2013 at 10:35pm - work - by heyyoitsapotato - United States

Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

#20697165
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29339) - you deserved it (32068)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML

#20652691
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39404) - you deserved it (2075)

On 05/09/2013 at 7:18pm - health - by iLikeMyLegs - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

#20660172
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37674) - you deserved it (4530)

On 05/13/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that the "dish soap" my sister uses to clean our dishes when it's her turn, is actually a semi-toxic floor cleaner. FML

#20661400
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35915) - you deserved it (2453)

On 05/13/2013 at 7:05pm - misc - by emmingle - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

#20636616
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36642) - you deserved it (5809)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19409) - you deserved it (35054)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

#20661280
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34790) - you deserved it (3425)

On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

#20678725
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41048) - you deserved it (2391)

On 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by pianoplayer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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