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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50367) - you deserved it (8712)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML

#20684874
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42766) - you deserved it (2914)

On 05/25/2013 at 1:09am - work - by mmmretail (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML

#20696470
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45696) - you deserved it (6812)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

#20686197
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47666) - you deserved it (4148)

On 05/25/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by uglynerd (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37325) - you deserved it (8213)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

#20650839
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42838) - you deserved it (12883)

On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47852) - you deserved it (3356)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML

#20695533
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45989) - you deserved it (5463)

On 05/30/2013 at 4:25pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML

#20670402
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48823) - you deserved it (4998)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:57am - misc - by Chelsea - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was notified that the company did not give me a raise two months ago like I thought. The increase was a typo. Two months ago I wrote a thank you for the raise email to my boss. Now I get to write a check to the company to pay back my "raise." FML

#20676088
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34727) - you deserved it (2767)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:07pm - work - by Check Writer - United States (California)

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

#20692458
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45425) - you deserved it (7292)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:32am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

#20673056
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40293) - you deserved it (8039)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:02pm - love - by SariLone (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

#20672345
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39593) - you deserved it (4858)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:30am - misc - by dafuqdidisee (man) - United States (California)



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