Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34139) - you deserved it (18474)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52159) - you deserved it (8955)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

#20682053
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37007) - you deserved it (4140)

On 05/23/2013 at 4:15pm - work - by onefishtwofishes (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML

#20696470
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47169) - you deserved it (6981)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

#20686197
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49538) - you deserved it (4294)

On 05/25/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by uglynerd (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

#20687072
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47481) - you deserved it (7689)

On 05/26/2013 at 10:15am - love - by thenewgirlfriend - United States (Texas)

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

#20663182
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44136) - you deserved it (4263)

On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML

#20647961
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47047) - you deserved it (6078)

On 05/07/2013 at 4:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

#20651556
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43562) - you deserved it (3474)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38335) - you deserved it (8388)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

#20650839
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43002) - you deserved it (12941)

On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48088) - you deserved it (3374)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

#20692458
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47153) - you deserved it (7477)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:32am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: