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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

#20641701
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23501) - you deserved it (35255)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:41pm - misc - by Fatty Fatty Fatso (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

#20664547
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43259) - you deserved it (9443)

On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

#20650676
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49096) - you deserved it (9341)

On 05/08/2013 at 8:07pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

#20665723
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46462) - you deserved it (3189)

On 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

#20662590
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30331) - you deserved it (22948)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45389) - you deserved it (4821)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

#20696622
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49101) - you deserved it (3574)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

#20681164
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27642) - you deserved it (34856)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

#20681249
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46276) - you deserved it (4317)

On 05/23/2013 at 3:24am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18112) - you deserved it (43821)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

#20645473
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58664) - you deserved it (4484)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51098) - you deserved it (4435)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

#20667435
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59033) - you deserved it (5782)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by Urgghh (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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