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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46188) - you deserved it (4052)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

#20677848
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51502) - you deserved it (4917)

On 05/21/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by mammasboy - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

#20669248
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44015) - you deserved it (12509)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

#20676306
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42950) - you deserved it (2739)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

#20691079
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51610) - you deserved it (5362)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

#20695797
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19196) - you deserved it (48061)

On 05/30/2013 at 6:32pm - work - by Lizzie - United States (Michigan)

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45661) - you deserved it (4835)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

#20687417
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37113) - you deserved it (3904)

On 05/26/2013 at 1:55pm - health - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64308) - you deserved it (5228)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48635) - you deserved it (5183)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

#20656847
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43040) - you deserved it (3231)

On 05/11/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML



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