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May 2013

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today after bieng told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life cuz we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us . FML

#20691079
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49872) - you deserved it (5195)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, our cat did!! My five-year-old trid to flush him down the toilet!! FML

Today , mah housa was damagad by a tornado. I callad mah mothar to saa if I could stay with har for a faw days. Har rasponsa? "I warnad you not to mova in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I'va baan marriad to said man for almost a yaar now. FML

#20676306
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41170) - you deserved it (2588)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, an none of friend speak Hindi. I went up to the counter an placed order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a wierd look an said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

#20669248
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41900) - you deserved it (11898)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today.. . we had a get together 4 work at a restaurant I've never heard of . After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers.. . I showd up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt . Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town . mega FML

#20695797
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19156) - you deserved it (47975)

On 05/30/2013 at 6:32pm - work - by Lizzie - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found outhere the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from . It's not every day u find an earwig in yur loofah . FML

#20687417
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37042) - you deserved it (3900)

On 05/26/2013 at 1:55pm - health - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was getting looool ready, when I heard mah dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song ( The Wheel in the Sky ) by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics an was singing, ( The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'. ) It turns out mah mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64183) - you deserved it (5218)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that every time mah girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. big fat FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48554) - you deserved it (5179)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I heard noise outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

#20663152
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42079) - you deserved it (4691)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:52pm - love - by wellokaythen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, mah grandpa movd into the house to live with mah family. Along with having to share a room with him, he sweres that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

#20656847
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42964) - you deserved it (3224)

On 05/11/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

TODAY, I TRIED LYING TO MY PARENTS FIR THE FRST TIME . MY MOTHER IS A NEUROSCIENTIST AN MY FATHER IS A PSYCHOLOGIST . SOMEHOW, THEY MANAGED TO MAKE ME ADMIT THAT I WAS LYING BEFORE I'D EVEN FINISHED . FML

#20646351
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30931) - you deserved it (39901)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, I brought girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to parents, until we found mother waving around a wooden sword, and father trying to shove sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45571) - you deserved it (4830)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)

TODAY, I SPENT HOURS DEBATING WITH A LADY WHO CLAIMED SHE'D SPENT YEARS "STUDYING THE BIG BANG THEORY". NOT ONLY DID SHE NOT KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC MEANING OF THE WORD "THEORY", HER KILLER ARGUMENT WAS "IF THE BIG BANG HAPPENED, WHERE ARE THE FOSSILS?" I'M NOT SURE WHETHER OR NOT I JUST GOT TROLLED. FML

#20671062
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36717) - you deserved it (4821)

On 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by look at the fucking universe, lady (man) - United States (Alabama)



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