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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55051) - you deserved it (4279)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52269) - you deserved it (3865)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49889) - you deserved it (7000)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61693) - you deserved it (13463)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67188) - you deserved it (9913)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

#20668963
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59684) - you deserved it (6039)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

#20642331
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42072) - you deserved it (73198)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52789) - you deserved it (9004)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29384) - you deserved it (53416)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

#20660939
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77209) - you deserved it (5278)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

#20657738
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51282) - you deserved it (18251)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by peallow (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

#20642863
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54574) - you deserved it (7854)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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