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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

#20691094
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28238) - you deserved it (141908)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

#20683433
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37703) - you deserved it (44529)

On 05/24/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by obnum - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68614) - you deserved it (15232)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67397) - you deserved it (14882)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

#20684997
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81559) - you deserved it (5083)

On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

#20657675
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61327) - you deserved it (7382)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by lamsolonely - United States

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

#20662485
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107176) - you deserved it (6571)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML

Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML

#20687700
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45623) - you deserved it (17804)

On 05/26/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by bestiality? do I look like a pig? (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML

#20667250
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78463) - you deserved it (6593)

On 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by need € for new iron (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54000) - you deserved it (7565)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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