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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to visit my sister, who lives four hours away from me. I'd only just sat down on their couch when her husband told me I needed to leave so they could have sex. FML

#20666985
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42705) - you deserved it (3128)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by earplugsplease (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

#20639773
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47207) - you deserved it (4279)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm - work - by annoyedgirl - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60549) - you deserved it (9147)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

#20654832
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53320) - you deserved it (5165)

On 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Sankt Gallen)

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

#20656960
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53820) - you deserved it (9054)

On 05/11/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by wrongguy - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

#20643732
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20146) - you deserved it (45858)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

#20637157
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46081) - you deserved it (7155)

On 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

#20660573
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38106) - you deserved it (6676)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:16am - money - by psychopumpkin - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37173) - you deserved it (3206)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

#20696604
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55191) - you deserved it (4509)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

#20678467
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58576) - you deserved it (6153)

On 05/21/2013 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by knowtoomuch - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

#20697496
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50827) - you deserved it (3962)

On 05/31/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by whyme - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

#20661009
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42228) - you deserved it (3014)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)



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