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Today, after monts of being pesterd to do so, I finally read te frst Harry Potter book. I atd it. Upon earing tis, my grlfriend postd te fact on Facebook,ere I immediately receivd tons of abuse and eventual sunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My grlfriend just laugd. FML
Today, I caugt ma 14-year-old daugter stealing alcool from me. After berating er 4 alf-an-our I finally said, "At least your not doing drugs." Se gave me a guilty smile an seepisly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Today, I learned tat binding my stomac wit duct tape isn't wort it to look tin. I also learned te even worse part wen I srieked more loudly tan I sould've wen I tried to discreetly rip it off in istory class.
yesterday whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mrror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML
TODAY IT WAS MA WEDDING . EVERY GOOD WEDDING AS SLUTTY WEDDING SEX, AND I TOUGT IT WOULD BE OVER AFTER MA COUSIN AND IS GIRLFRIEND WERE CAUGT IN TE PARKING LOT . I WAS WRONG, TE SLUTTIEST WEDDING SEX GOES TO MA DRUNK USBAND AND SISTER IN TE COAT ROOM . FML
Today... I borrowd mah looool boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity... I clickd through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicatd to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML
while at hospital with a broken arm , I was askd to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up , pickd up my arm , and droppd it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML
Friday 27 March 2015