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Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up an was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't therehen I sat down. FML
Today my boyfriend of 2 weeks said tat e was going to cook me dinner. After waiting 4 te frozen pizza tat e decided to make 4 me to be completely cooked e said ( O I ate tis part ) reaced into te oven wit is bare ands and took out te pizza allile screaming. He is 24. FML
Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing fir a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, ( I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood. ) FML
Today, mah sister went into a blind rage at me fir "upstaging" looool her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same . My husband an I have been trying fir two years . She's in high school an doesn't even know who the father is . FML
Today I ad to convince ma usband tat I'm not aving an affair all because I refused to ave sex wit im . Apparently te fact tat I gave birt to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enoug reason to turn im down . FML
Today, I played Call of Duty wit ma new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged tat a grl beat im. It resulted in im souting at me, claiming tat since I'm Muslim, I must be part of te Taliban,ic would explain ma gaming skills. FML
Today mah boyfriend was watching TV when we started getting frisky!! I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off an said "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on!! He's 21!! FML
Today... I was dying mah hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn mah hair a shade or two lighter... but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple.
yesterday for a laugh, I putted vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar an went to the mall to eat it with a spoon . Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace . They shoved me into a back room an grilled me about wat was in the jar . FML
Friday 27 March 2015