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April 2013

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Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

by BrillianceSucks / 04/04/2013 at 8:10pm / Canada / Work

Today, I had a note to skip P.E. that my grandpa had written because my mom was busy. His handwriting is terrible, so they didn't believe that he'd written it. I'd twisted my ankle and I got to run another mile for "lying". FML

by anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 1:25am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:51am / Money

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 8:13pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm / New Zealand / Transportation

Today my ex-boyfriend accepted my mother's offer to have his wedding in our backyard. FML

by traitor / 04/23/2013 at 7:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

by sharibaby / 04/30/2013 at 5:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

by conbon123 / 04/29/2013 at 3:20am / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

by Goldar / 04/09/2013 at 10:44pm / United States / Work

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

by Grand_Cookie / 04/16/2013 at 4:48am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

by steppppphhhhhh / 04/09/2013 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 7:08pm / United States (Colorado) / Love