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April 2013

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Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 11:49am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

by maturity / 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

by some people's parents / 04/18/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Colorado) / Money

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

by Marco / 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Transportation

Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML

by NZgirl92 / 04/14/2013 at 10:29pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

by Thanks Babe / 04/20/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML

by wallet? GONE / 04/21/2013 at 6:27pm / United States (Colorado) / Money

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

by Juliet / 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

by FootFlakes / 04/09/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2013 at 6:53pm / United States / Money

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

by Magicali / 04/21/2013 at 10:56pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous