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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57881) - you deserved it (10472)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

#20618791
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59183) - you deserved it (4412)

On 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by awkward O_o - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

#20628024
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43652) - you deserved it (3161)

On 04/28/2013 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47835) - you deserved it (9393)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

#20602988
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42390) - you deserved it (12671)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Aberrombie Blue - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

#20616232
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36250) - you deserved it (4985)

On 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14709) - you deserved it (57762)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

#20569834
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45716) - you deserved it (3205)

On 04/01/2013 at 10:50am - love - by t.hughes (woman) - United States

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

#20599573
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44538) - you deserved it (9605)

On 04/17/2013 at 3:01pm - misc - by pantydropper (woman) - United States

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

#20626326
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40193) - you deserved it (2718)

On 04/27/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by Satan'sChildren - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

#20623837
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40062) - you deserved it (5650)

On 04/26/2013 at 8:21pm - kids - by Shitty genes, no two ways about it. (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

#20602422
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43317) - you deserved it (5211)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm - misc - by phonesmuggler (man) - United States

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

#20601228
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44699) - you deserved it (4449)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:01am - money - by some people's parents - United States (Colorado)



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