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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14802) - you deserved it (58030)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

#20574297
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33214) - you deserved it (1964)

On 04/04/2013 at 3:12am - misc - by Claustrophobic - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

#20584796
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38402) - you deserved it (18151)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

#20627653
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51216) - you deserved it (6816)

On 04/28/2013 at 1:32pm - love - by gibbette (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

#20570299
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18881) - you deserved it (42024)

On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46948) - you deserved it (7386)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML

#20611067
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44599) - you deserved it (3536)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by wallet? GONE (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

#20625067
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55358) - you deserved it (3634)

On 04/27/2013 at 12:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

#20578428
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45024) - you deserved it (4931)

On 04/07/2013 at 12:26am - love - by unknown - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

#20591068
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42522) - you deserved it (3922)

On 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm - health - by danman (man) - United States

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

#20602988
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42631) - you deserved it (12727)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Aberrombie Blue - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

#20616232
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36886) - you deserved it (5044)

On 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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