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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

#20574865
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37550) - you deserved it (6449)

On 04/04/2013 at 4:07pm - misc - by me (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

#20580464
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34004) - you deserved it (3302)

On 04/08/2013 at 10:08am - work - by save the koalas? uhh - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

#20578916
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38925) - you deserved it (5167)

On 04/07/2013 at 10:51am - work - by confused - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51076) - you deserved it (12946)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50181) - you deserved it (5813)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

#20570526
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43155) - you deserved it (2800)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm - money - by haku4u (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

#20584796
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41609) - you deserved it (18894)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

#20603007
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55234) - you deserved it (6356)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16300) - you deserved it (62104)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

#20578428
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48013) - you deserved it (5171)

On 04/07/2013 at 12:26am - love - by unknown - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

#20620985
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47803) - you deserved it (2770)

On 04/25/2013 at 3:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML

#20576526
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44641) - you deserved it (3686)

On 04/05/2013 at 6:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

#20591068
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44981) - you deserved it (4109)

On 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm - health - by danman (man) - United States



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