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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML

#20615528
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44868) - you deserved it (6014)

On 04/23/2013 at 9:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year old girl. I work at a library and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it has happened. FML

#20621829
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46186) - you deserved it (3739)

On 04/25/2013 at 9:37pm - kids - by LibraryPedo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

#20618481
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57074) - you deserved it (12797)

On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

#20587303
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45628) - you deserved it (19211) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

#20611227
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55625) - you deserved it (3709)

On 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

#20577745
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42993) - you deserved it (3976)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by flea-bitten (woman) - United States

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

#20574865
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36357) - you deserved it (6314)

On 04/04/2013 at 4:07pm - misc - by me (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51606) - you deserved it (7297)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69183) - you deserved it (13334)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

#20625530
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52502) - you deserved it (3340)

On 04/27/2013 at 4:23pm - health - by stuckwithafamilyofcunts (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47996) - you deserved it (12123)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

#20632227
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41264) - you deserved it (8689)

On 04/30/2013 at 4:50am - love - by Porter_Robinson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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