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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

#20582400
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33140) - you deserved it (6847)

On 04/09/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by nice education you've got there (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

#20583359
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40399) - you deserved it (19382)

On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

#20630021
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41768) - you deserved it (8708)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:39am - work - by sdeeter (man) - United States

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

#20571483
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32567) - you deserved it (3902)

On 04/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51314) - you deserved it (8354)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

#20625307
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54176) - you deserved it (3583)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

#20608013
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41747) - you deserved it (9407)

On 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm - money - by citylife - United States

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

#20628506
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22259) - you deserved it (34996)

On 04/28/2013 at 7:40pm - work - by AbhorrentApplication (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

#20579905
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37116) - you deserved it (8286)

On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77710) - you deserved it (9358)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

#20586964
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33782) - you deserved it (13101)

On 04/12/2013 at 7:57pm - misc - by SoreNips (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

#20580464
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30787) - you deserved it (3027)

On 04/08/2013 at 10:08am - work - by save the koalas? uhh - Australia (Queensland)



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