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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

#20632794
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58488) - you deserved it (7648)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

#20610275
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40852) - you deserved it (5770)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Kuwait (Al Kuwayt)

Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

#20620574
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52742) - you deserved it (14146)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

#20586134
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39965) - you deserved it (4853)

On 04/12/2013 at 6:23am - work - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60471) - you deserved it (20217)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

#20578709
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51140) - you deserved it (2527)

On 04/07/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by child of a crazed women (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49461) - you deserved it (8063)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

#20621724
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38161) - you deserved it (30908)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:56pm - money - by really_now - United States (Nevada)

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

#20627190
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51282) - you deserved it (10569)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:16am - misc - by Beth - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32572) - you deserved it (14082)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

#20621115
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43893) - you deserved it (4922)

On 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46849) - you deserved it (4843)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States



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