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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46470) - you deserved it (3862)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

#20593993
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43605) - you deserved it (11812)

On 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Kutakito (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32885) - you deserved it (14159)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

#20607123
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55623) - you deserved it (7815)

On 04/20/2013 at 9:43am - misc - by dentedmercedes - United States (Michigan)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84160) - you deserved it (4423)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39706) - you deserved it (6097)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

#20620173
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30639) - you deserved it (45008)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

#20596072
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69432) - you deserved it (12206)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

#20624343
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65301) - you deserved it (14650)

On 04/27/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

#20578709
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51548) - you deserved it (2550)

On 04/07/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by child of a crazed women (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

#20591599
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43247) - you deserved it (13284) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/14/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by NiquetChrome (woman) - France

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

#20623583
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46583) - you deserved it (3094)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm - work - by fuck you walmart (woman) - United States

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

#20576546
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32751) - you deserved it (9245)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by pot, meet kettle (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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