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2day I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school . He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a ( bastard ) . Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear lyk that . I can never win . FML
TODAY, I WANTED REVENGE ON MY COLLEGE'S DRINKS MACHINE. FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS, IT FORGOT TO RELEASE A CUP BEFORE POURING MY COFFEE. THIS TIME, I HAD PLANNED AHEAD; I PUTTED MY MONEY IN, ENTERED THE CODE, AND QUICKLY INSERTED MY OWN CUP. IT GAVE ME HOT WATER.
I Picked My 12-year-old Daughter Up From School After Her Frst Sexual Education Lecture. She Burst Into Tears On The Way Home Explaining Her Fears Of Being Pregnant With Her Boyfriend's Child. As If That Doesn't Sound Bad Enough, I've Met Her Boyfriend Before. He Is Imaginary. FML
Today... I forgot to log out of mah Facebook account before leaving fir work. When I got back home... I discoverd that mah brother had gone through an commentd "quack" on all mah friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleasd. FML
2day I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone... I walkd into the kitchen tohere it was quiet an slid across the floor... falling on my butt an loosing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayd the floor with nonstick cooking spray. big fat FML
Today , I had to get my grandparents out of jail , cuz they were caught having sex in a public place!! They excused their actions by saying that u can only be young and stupid once , so if u continue doing stupid actions , u r still young!! FML
Today...hile walking to mah car after work... I witnessd some moronho was textinghile riding her bike running right into mah parkd car... resulting in a broken side mrror... a damagd windshield... two dents... an 4 her... a broken phone an nose. She's threatening to sue me 4 damages.
Today I had a job interview. Everything was going well until I noticd a picture of a dog hanging on the wall hich remindd me of the ending of Marley an Me. I startd crying an had to be escortd out. FML
2day boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter boyfriend happily told the cashier "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015