Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML

#20608123
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41515) - you deserved it (3421)

On 04/20/2013 at 5:17pm - misc - by unlucky - United States (Illinois)

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46756) - you deserved it (9308)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

#20571565
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34433) - you deserved it (8451)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46246) - you deserved it (2889)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML

#20612336
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48994) - you deserved it (5782)

On 04/22/2013 at 1:06am - love - by And you think I'M crazy? (woman) - United States

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

#20602567
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52511) - you deserved it (3491)

On 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm - misc - by bhnja_ (man) - Philippines (Mandaue)

Today, I was told that I don't meet the minimum requirements for a job I applied for. I currently hold the same job, at the same facility, but just wanted a day shift. Apparently I'm not qualified for the job I've had for 2 and a half years. FML

#20611147
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46911) - you deserved it (3282)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was yelled at while I was shopping by some lady, because she saw my tattoo on my arm. She screamed that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and told me I'm going to hell. It's a fake tattoo of Mickey mouse. FML

#20581879
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38616) - you deserved it (3441)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by MickyIsEVIL - Japan (Aichi)

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

#20576074
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36975) - you deserved it (2618)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

#20597317
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34002) - you deserved it (3538)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML

#20612786
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46760) - you deserved it (3362)

On 04/22/2013 at 9:22am - work - by work -_- - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

#20605100
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42879) - you deserved it (6748)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

#20632607
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38804) - you deserved it (4122)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by good husband - Canada



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: