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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

#20435818
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42811) - you deserved it (14269)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML

#20443596
151 comments

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

#20476021
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33678) - you deserved it (2686)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:19am - misc - by HereWeGoAgain (woman) - United States

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36110) - you deserved it (3945)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

#20448085
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57432) - you deserved it (4321)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

#20458802
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33149) - you deserved it (3248)

On 01/14/2013 at 10:47am - misc - by badenoughflowers - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

#20438439
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51302) - you deserved it (4738)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32270) - you deserved it (9005)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

#20451265
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30492) - you deserved it (5824)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by it's just a name (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML

#20443608
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10553) - you deserved it (39152)

On 01/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38658) - you deserved it (2542)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

#20477547
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43777) - you deserved it (4343)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:11am - intimacy - by swollenpenis - Canada (Alberta)



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