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July 2016

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Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

by dumped and dusted / 07/13/2016 at 1:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation daily in an effort to get pregnant. My husband has only had one task during the entire process, and after hours of gaming, he says he's just too tired to have sex. FML

by NotTheMomma / 07/22/2016 at 10:06am / Intimacy

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 12:23pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 2:24pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I bleached my upper lip hair so it wouldn't be visible anymore. At school, for the first time, the guy I like came over to talk to me after class. Just as I thought he was about to ask me out, he told me how weird my "gold moustache" looks. FML

Today, I declined an apartment because it didn't have a detachable shower head that I could use for my enjoyment. FML

by albinoalligator / 07/03/2016 at 8:48pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2016 at 9:13pm / Transportation

Today, I got grounded for having a boner when I woke up. FML

by nightjay / 07/11/2016 at 10:32am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2016 at 10:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

by Not true / 07/17/2016 at 10:56pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML

by Victoria / 07/12/2016 at 10:10am / Miscellaneous

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2016 at 3:58am / Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya) / Kids

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

by LoveLost / 07/08/2016 at 10:57pm / Intimacy