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May 2015

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Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

#21406764
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18133) - you deserved it (34225)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

#21405647
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18141) - you deserved it (31005)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

#21410693
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37154) - you deserved it (6192)

On 05/15/2015 at 8:50pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

#21404461
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31688) - you deserved it (2344)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm - misc - by to_complicated_4_u - United States (New York)

Today, I was being chased by the cops, not because I'm a criminal but because I thought the SUV with red and blue lights was an ambulance, not a police officer trying to pull me over. I kept weaving out of his way for 5 minutes before I finally figured it out, and got my first ever ticket. FML

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24386) - you deserved it (2221)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30317) - you deserved it (3005)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

#21410572
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30503) - you deserved it (2521)

On 05/15/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by nazirah4shizzle (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

#21410882
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31157) - you deserved it (4791)

On 05/16/2015 at 7:47am - animals - by yif2 (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my little sister knocking on my door. Today's my birthday, so I thought she'd surprise me with something. Instead, she just asked me, "How's it feel to be a year older and still alone?" I just turned 20. The truth hurts. FML

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20393) - you deserved it (1409)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)



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