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December 2016

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Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for work anymore. He said no and went crazy. HR and the police are now involved. FML

by HR nightmare / 12/02/2016 at 12:20am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

by Lizziebelle / 12/01/2016 at 3:07am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both whispered, "Sorry." Our teacher promptly gave us detention and a 0% on the test for talking. Sorry for being sorry? FML

by Sorry? / 12/01/2016 at 10:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved states to be with my soulmate in our new condo. It was also the day I took out a neighbor's balcony with my U-Haul. FML

by crash and burn / 12/01/2016 at 4:41am / United States (California) / Money

Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of an unresolved issue, the dealership mistakenly reported the rental vehicle I'm using in the meantime as stolen. The police surrounded my work as I was meeting with a potential client. FML

by GTA VI / 11/30/2016 at 8:02pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML

by ouch / 12/01/2016 at 6:38pm / United Kingdom (North Yorkshire) / Animals

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

by EggBomb / 12/01/2016 at 1:22pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

by anonymous / 12/01/2016 at 11:00am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous