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May 2013

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Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54217) - you deserved it (11044)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML

#20635268
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8636) - you deserved it (48186)

On 05/01/2013 at 5:33pm - health - by QueenOrangeSoda (woman) - United States (Nevada)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

#20645479
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74712) - you deserved it (4349)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

#20657675
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50852) - you deserved it (6139)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by lamsolonely - United States

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47144) - you deserved it (3314)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML

#20671502
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49125) - you deserved it (2747)

On 05/18/2013 at 7:15pm - health - by mackmackey (man) - United States (Arizona)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57650) - you deserved it (8154)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45760) - you deserved it (7552)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

#20642331
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32507) - you deserved it (60675)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40144) - you deserved it (5574)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

#20649646
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43722) - you deserved it (2388)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:17am - health - by HamSandwich12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

#20662485
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78788) - you deserved it (4473)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

#20668963
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42401) - you deserved it (4003)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)



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