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September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39163) - you deserved it (3710)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

#21252587
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41250) - you deserved it (6042)

On 09/05/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by onlywantuanyway -

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

#21257417
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38951) - you deserved it (4311)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

#21256659
149 comments

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

#21259479
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33790) - you deserved it (7490)

On 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

#21251846
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39246) - you deserved it (7952)

On 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by candy man - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML

#21261280
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24337) - you deserved it (8851)

On 09/19/2014 at 2:34pm - kids - by hypercrite dad (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

#21257946
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40145) - you deserved it (2666)

On 09/14/2014 at 8:53am - love - by NoConfusion (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wrecked my car because my mom texted me, telling me not to text and drive. FML

#21249597
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22636) - you deserved it (39599)

On 09/01/2014 at 10:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went deep-sea fishing with my friends. I told them my new phone case is waterproof, and I showed them by pouring a bit of water on it. My friend decided to throw it in the water for a better example. The case didn't float. FML

#21258099
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39220) - you deserved it (6256)

On 09/14/2014 at 2:47pm - misc - by HiImAlfredo (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

#21257037
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41100) - you deserved it (2684)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by he's not the one going to hell (man) - Australia

Today, after years of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took my seat only to find a baby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me. All of whom decided to cry in unison. It was a 9-hour flight. FML

#21249416
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46752) - you deserved it (3541)

On 09/01/2014 at 12:34am - misc - by MLeguillon - United States (Missouri)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

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  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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