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May 2015

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Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

#21406764
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18389) - you deserved it (34868)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

#21405647
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18235) - you deserved it (31371)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

#21410693
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38775) - you deserved it (6404)

On 05/15/2015 at 8:50pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29947) - you deserved it (2678)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

#21404461
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31901) - you deserved it (2347)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm - misc - by to_complicated_4_u - United States (New York)

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30565) - you deserved it (3014)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29112) - you deserved it (1977)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

#21410572
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31805) - you deserved it (2558)

On 05/15/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by nazirah4shizzle (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

#21410882
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32248) - you deserved it (4883)

On 05/16/2015 at 7:47am - animals - by yif2 (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend having sex with another woman. They told me to leave so they could finish, and that "we'll all talk this over later." FML

#21416749
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28925) - you deserved it (2018)

On 05/27/2015 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by hellno (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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