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Friday 13 December 2013

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Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

by thank u usa / 12/13/2013 at 5:20pm / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

by wth? / 12/13/2013 at 10:10am / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Love

Today, my boyfriend randomly decided to let me know that he believes there's really no such thing as cheating, unless both partners explicitly agree that the relationship is monogamous. And no, he wouldn't agree that ours is. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2013 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I have such an irrational fear of the noise my smoke detector makes when it goes off, that dying in my sleep from smoke inhalation or carbon monoxide poisoning sounds absolutely peachy by comparison. FML

by TheLadyOpal / 12/13/2013 at 2:55am / United States / Health

Today, it's my birthday. The only "happy birthday"s I got were from my mom, her Facebook account, and the Facebook account she made for her cat. FML

by carboncoach / 12/13/2013 at 12:24pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

by puking now / 12/13/2013 at 7:34pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML

by religiunatic / 12/13/2013 at 12:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous