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Friday 7 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54923) - you deserved it (64047)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18961) - you deserved it (106672)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

#20712090
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65994) - you deserved it (9145)

On 06/07/2013 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by what the fuck (woman) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I saw mice eating from my cat's food dish, again. Where is my cat? He's busy bringing in more mice, birds, and once even an unharmed chipmunk through his cat door. FML

#20710993
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40512) - you deserved it (4925)

On 06/07/2013 at 12:33am - animals - by Damn Cat - United States (Iowa)

Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML

#20711432
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50037) - you deserved it (4965)

On 06/07/2013 at 9:25am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

#20712353
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56244) - you deserved it (4405)

On 06/07/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by hopeyoushityourintestinesout (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got mugged on the way to my 21st birthday party at a bar. I begged the thug to at least throw me my ID, only to have him laugh and run away singing "happy birthday". FML

#20711068
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55786) - you deserved it (3523)

On 06/07/2013 at 1:14am - money - by ididntevendrinkthatnight - United States (New York)

Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment below me so I went to kindly ask the little old lady to shut it off before she goes to bed. Her neighbor came out while I knocked to tell me she is out of town and the music is constant so her cats don't get lonely. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved in to my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML

#20711674
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36116) - you deserved it (10835)

On 06/07/2013 at 1:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

#20711923
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47164) - you deserved it (4984)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:32pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)



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