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Sunday 19 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49798) - you deserved it (6991)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

#20672246
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43448) - you deserved it (25370)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:26am - misc - by Devin - United States

Today, I lent a pair of expensive headphones to a "friend" for the weekend. As a thank-you, he bought me a soda. He moved this weekend, taking the headphones with him. I lost a $250 pair of headphones for a $1 soda. FML

#20672107
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40204) - you deserved it (19564)

On 05/19/2013 at 12:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

#20673456
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45756) - you deserved it (3495)

On 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by harrington61 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

#20673360
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43368) - you deserved it (5865)

On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, the couch I bought a week ago was delivered. I don't know which is worse: my son being the one to point out it's been "used", or that he used a black light to prove it. FML

#20672414
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48317) - you deserved it (4421)

On 05/19/2013 at 3:35am - kids - by disappointed dad - United States

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

#20672345
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38907) - you deserved it (4793)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:30am - misc - by dafuqdidisee (man) - United States (California)

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

#20673056
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40169) - you deserved it (8032)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:02pm - love - by SariLone (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

#20673625
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39097) - you deserved it (5390)

On 05/19/2013 at 7:07pm - misc - by black hoodie - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

#20672990
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41241) - you deserved it (2755)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML

#20673285
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40866) - you deserved it (3365)

On 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by jfc, how just how (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

#20673563
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39446) - you deserved it (3869)

On 05/19/2013 at 6:33pm - animals - by rach (woman) - United States (Washington)



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