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Monday 13 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

#20660939
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77188) - you deserved it (5276)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, while doing a fun genetics game in Biology, I found out that I was adopted. Turns out the game wasn't so fun. FML

#20661511
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54203) - you deserved it (3030)

On 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

#20660609
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41821) - you deserved it (20705)

On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47046) - you deserved it (5276)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46834) - you deserved it (8986)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

#20660573
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38022) - you deserved it (6666)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:16am - money - by psychopumpkin - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

#20661009
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42151) - you deserved it (3010)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

#20660172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40092) - you deserved it (4754)

On 05/13/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

#20661106
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46424) - you deserved it (2895)

On 05/13/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by culodegrillo (woman) - Spain

Today, I discovered that the "dish soap" my sister uses to clean our dishes when it's her turn, is actually a semi-toxic floor cleaner. FML

#20661400
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37847) - you deserved it (2608)

On 05/13/2013 at 7:05pm - misc - by emmingle - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

#20660591
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48041) - you deserved it (2775)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:39am - work - by Confused (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

#20661280
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38601) - you deserved it (3949)

On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)



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