FML with : oking

Number of results : 1158

Today, while at a baseball game, I was telling my friends about my underaged drinking experience at my sister's bachelorette party. It wasn't until I was done telling the story that I realized the Dean of my college was right behind us, looking right at me. So much for a good first impression. FML

by fuckingcool / 08/18/2016 at 5:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my co-worker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

by ihatemyjob / 08/15/2016 at 3:12pm / Work

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

by DisgustingCreatures / 08/04/2016 at 2:53pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

by :( / 07/31/2016 at 12:18am / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

by Broke / 07/27/2016 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML

by carl_carl_ / 07/25/2016 at 12:17am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I had to deal with yet another day of people looking at my name tag and saying "You know nothing, John Snow." with a shit-eating grin, like they're the wittiest people alive. Then I had to deal with my boss telling me to lighten up, because it's "just a joke". FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation daily in an effort to get pregnant. My husband has only had one task during the entire process, and after hours of gaming, he says he's just too tired to have sex. FML

by NotTheMomma / 07/22/2016 at 10:06am / Intimacy

Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 12:14am / United States (Montana) / Transportation

Today, at the store, I didn't hear the cashier when she asked if I had a loyalty card. She took one look at my naturally bitchy-looking face and muttered "It's my JOB to ask, jeez." FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 1:53pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I bought my mother an expensive TV she had been looking at. After I bought it, she continued browsing for more stuff. I told her I couldn't afford the extra items. She got mad and called me "selfish". FML

by SwingingGallows / 07/15/2016 at 11:43am / Money

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at an ice cream place, and a guy started chatting with us. As he eventually went to leave, he told me "That's a nice looking date you got there." Then he turned to my friend. "Wish I could say the same to you." FML

by rmonk / 07/06/2016 at 8:17am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML

by Anna / 07/02/2016 at 5:08pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

by fuckel4 / 07/01/2016 at 4:12pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 10:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous