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FML with : i picked

Number of results : 143

Today, I saw an elderly woman drop $20 while shopping. Trying to be a good samaritan, I picked it up and tried to hand it back to her. She accused me of stealing it and beat me with her purse. The manager had to fend her off me. FML

Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML

#21492788
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22484) - you deserved it (2126)

On 11/15/2015 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I picked up my car after I got it painted. As I backed up in the parking lot, my car scraped against a pillar. Now I have to put it right back in the shop. FML

#21483428
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18436) - you deserved it (12980)

On 10/23/2015 at 2:08pm - money - by Jared (man) - United States

 Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

#21478450
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22193) - you deserved it (5370)

On 10/10/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by Scarred4Life - United States (California)

Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML

#21466003
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23956) - you deserved it (5659) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/07/2015 at 10:02pm - animals - by princeronron - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

#21464517
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22179) - you deserved it (2666)

On 09/04/2015 at 1:46pm - kids - by brittsters (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

#21446839
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23996) - you deserved it (1670)

On 07/25/2015 at 1:30am - misc - by for fuck's sake, gran (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

#21418531
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26069) - you deserved it (4752)

On 05/31/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by Sleepy (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

#21387468
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27177) - you deserved it (3584)

On 04/04/2015 at 10:35am - work - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

#21386851
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30181) - you deserved it (2841)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08am - misc - by overreacting - United States (Missouri)

Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

#21367159
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33758) - you deserved it (2129)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:01am - misc - by definatelynotamurderer (man) - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

#21359968
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34830) - you deserved it (6792)

On 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23467) - you deserved it (12948)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

#21230314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41093) - you deserved it (2884)

On 08/05/2014 at 6:44pm - work - by cutthroatkait (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

#21208109
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49762) - you deserved it (4202)

On 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by all puked out (man) - Netherlands



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