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FML with : i picked

Number of results : 133

Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

#21367159
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31975) - you deserved it (1882)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:01am - misc - by definatelynotamurderer (man) - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

#21359968
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32372) - you deserved it (6140)

On 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21002) - you deserved it (12208)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

#21230314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39194) - you deserved it (2753)

On 08/05/2014 at 6:44pm - work - by cutthroatkait (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

#21208109
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47971) - you deserved it (4050)

On 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by all puked out (man) - Netherlands

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

#21187469
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53239) - you deserved it (5839)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by headdesk (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

#20916326
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34372) - you deserved it (9894)

On 10/11/2013 at 11:18am - misc - by FriutlessApple (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

#20735913
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38320) - you deserved it (5169)

On 06/19/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

#20721539
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53486) - you deserved it (4137)

On 06/12/2013 at 1:33pm - health - by unknown - United States (California)

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

#20697100
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39519) - you deserved it (3317)

On 05/31/2013 at 9:54am - misc - by cantwin (man) - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

#20575072
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42654) - you deserved it (3859)

On 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46365) - you deserved it (3855)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

#20531284
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24281) - you deserved it (17056)

On 03/04/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by seriously (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I noticed my dog chewing on something while on the couch. It looked like a wash rag of some sort, so I grabbed it from my dog. It wasn't until after I picked it up that I noticed it wasn't a wash rag. It was a small, dead bird. FML

#20527319
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26637) - you deserved it (2783)

On 03/01/2013 at 7:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States



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