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FML with : i picked

Number of results : 137

Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

#21446839
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23373) - you deserved it (1635)

On 07/25/2015 at 1:30am - misc - by for fuck's sake, gran (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

#21418531
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25520) - you deserved it (4677)

On 05/31/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by Sleepy (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

#21387468
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25705) - you deserved it (3392)

On 04/04/2015 at 10:35am - work - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

#21386851
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29574) - you deserved it (2799)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08am - misc - by overreacting - United States (Missouri)

Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

#21367159
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33177) - you deserved it (2086)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:01am - misc - by definatelynotamurderer (man) - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

#21359968
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33630) - you deserved it (6566)

On 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22796) - you deserved it (12804)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

#21230314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40288) - you deserved it (2822)

On 08/05/2014 at 6:44pm - work - by cutthroatkait (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

#21208109
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49028) - you deserved it (4144)

On 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by all puked out (man) - Netherlands

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

#21187469
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54669) - you deserved it (5983)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by headdesk (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

#20916326
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35502) - you deserved it (10230)

On 10/11/2013 at 11:18am - misc - by FriutlessApple (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

#20735913
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40845) - you deserved it (5498)

On 06/19/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

#20721539
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53638) - you deserved it (4144)

On 06/12/2013 at 1:33pm - health - by unknown - United States (California)

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

#20697100
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41863) - you deserved it (3519)

On 05/31/2013 at 9:54am - misc - by cantwin (man) - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

#20575072
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43820) - you deserved it (3967)

On 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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