Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML with : He could.

Number of results : 16

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

#21441433
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29052) - you deserved it (1795)

On 07/14/2015 at 6:33am - misc - by ow my kidneys (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

#21392314
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29092) - you deserved it (2110)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got hit by a car. Not a real one, though; my sister thought it would be funny to take her RC car and smash it over my head as hard as she could. FML

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29086) - you deserved it (2324)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47841) - you deserved it (6829)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

#20119594
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31121) - you deserved it (1852)

On 10/16/2012 at 1:25pm - health - by hurtinrealbad - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

#20018573
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13672) - you deserved it (36406)

On 08/13/2012 at 11:06am - intimacy - by didntevenknow (woman) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

#19261628
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35073) - you deserved it (4504)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

#19227249
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13910) - you deserved it (22030)

On 03/06/2012 at 1:55pm - love - by Tommy (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50602) - you deserved it (16408)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

#10812675
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14357) - you deserved it (57042)

On 05/28/2010 at 12:15am - love - by TheSickness (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

#10788025
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27640) - you deserved it (3033)

On 05/26/2010 at 10:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, against the will of the kids in my class, we played kick ball. The first time I rolled the ball, the tallest, biggest kid kicked it as hard as he could. I caught it though, with my nuts. FML

#7676063
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25559) - you deserved it (5051)

On 01/29/2010 at 3:19pm - work - by ouch (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I decided to be funny and tell him I was Iron Man and nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

#6753896
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12680) - you deserved it (36616)

On 12/14/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

#6336608
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17254) - you deserved it (26580)

On 11/17/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by HunniBeeHuni (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: