FML with : He could.

Number of results : 16

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

by ow my kidneys / 07/14/2015 at 6:33am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 11:18am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I got hit by a car. Not a real one, though; my sister thought it would be funny to take her RC car and smash it over my head as hard as she could. FML

by Gilan / 04/05/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

by ~__~ / 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 2:42am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

by hurtinrealbad / 10/16/2012 at 1:25pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

by didntevenknow / 08/13/2012 at 11:06am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 12:16am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

by Tommy / 03/06/2012 at 1:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

by ouch / 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

by TheSickness / 05/28/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, against the will of the kids in my class, we played kick ball. The first time I rolled the ball, the tallest, biggest kid kicked it as hard as he could. I caught it though, with my nuts. FML

by ouch / 01/29/2010 at 3:19pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I decided to be funny and tell him I was Iron Man and nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

by HunniBeeHuni / 11/17/2009 at 12:25am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation