FML with : he could

Number of results : 562

Today, while on vacation, my brother asked a native of the area for help. Once he got it, he thanked them with "muchos gracias" in the best Spanish accent he could do. We're in Japan. FML

by thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart / 11/15/2016 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Holidays

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 1:06am / Miscellaneous

Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML

by livingonmyownfromnowon / 09/13/2016 at 2:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

by Rosie / 09/06/2016 at 8:13am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

by what sex life? / 08/02/2016 at 2:26am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML

by SadDaenerys / 07/13/2016 at 4:13pm / Love

Today, I reassured a close friend that he could tell me anything. Now all our conversations are almost exclusively about his kinks. Did you know a well-stretched human anus can hold an entire bag of jumbo marshmallows? FML

Today, I was using the short urinal when I heard someone say, "Ahem!" in a loud voice. I looked back to see an angry little kid. He made me switch urinals so he could use the short one. I got urinal-evicted by a little boy. FML

by slingerslasher / 07/05/2016 at 3:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my last day at my job. My team made a little party for me so they could wish me well and say goodbye, but when it came time for my manager to give a little speech, she couldn't even remember my name. I've been working there for two years. FML

by Raset24 / 06/30/2016 at 1:40pm / Work

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2016 at 10:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2016 at 8:28pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

by staciefacecat / 06/13/2016 at 9:03pm / Love

Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML

by reasonablysingle / 06/10/2016 at 11:27pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2016 at 3:45am / Love

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

by ginya / 06/06/2016 at 9:58pm / United States (Texas) / Animals