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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FML with : he could

Number of results : 492

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24549) - you deserved it (1976)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

#21445328
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14070) - you deserved it (23698)

On 07/22/2015 at 2:32am - kids - by thebiteof87 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got fired, apparently for being racist to black people. When I told my boyfriend, he couldn't stop laughing. He's black. FML

#21442166
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31025) - you deserved it (2863)

On 07/15/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by Razz - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

#21441433
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27667) - you deserved it (1562)

On 07/14/2015 at 6:33am - misc - by ow my kidneys (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

#21439756
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35408) - you deserved it (1694)

On 07/10/2015 at 9:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his boss so he could get a promotion and "provide" for us. This from the guy who made me quit my job because he said he made enough money to support us both. FML

#21438957
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25396) - you deserved it (3231)

On 07/09/2015 at 9:42am - love - by dtack2tack - United States

Today, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her brother had bet she couldn't go the whole day without talking. So to win the bet, she tried to super-glue her lips together so she couldn't accidentally say anything. FML

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

#21425871
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31890) - you deserved it (4454)

On 06/14/2015 at 9:41am - money - by Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

#21417526
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30195) - you deserved it (7844)

On 05/29/2015 at 9:04am - love - by Headless (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

#21415859
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27768) - you deserved it (2043)

On 05/26/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by meh (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

#21400557
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31489) - you deserved it (6216)

On 04/27/2015 at 10:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28758) - you deserved it (3419)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

#21392314
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27323) - you deserved it (1866)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got hit by a car. Not a real one, though; my sister thought it would be funny to take her RC car and smash it over my head as hard as she could. FML

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

#21381106
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28398) - you deserved it (4346)

On 03/25/2015 at 1:42am - love - by Julie - Denmark (Midtjylland)



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