FML with : Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview I went to cross my legs and realized I had on 2 different shoes

Number of results : 2412

Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school pool. Afterwards, I noticed that someone had broken into the locker I was using. Thankfully nothing was stolen except for my shoes and socks. I had a full day of classes to go to, barefoot, in December and an hour bus ride home. FML

by sadCowboysfan / 12/07/2016 at 11:37am / Health

Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway beetween our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML

by neverunderstood / 12/02/2016 at 7:39am / Italy (Emilia-Romagna) / Love

Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML

by ouch / 12/01/2016 at 6:38pm / United Kingdom (North Yorkshire) / Animals

Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of an unresolved issue, the dealership mistakenly reported the rental vehicle I'm using in the meantime as stolen. The police surrounded my work as I was meeting with a potential client. FML

Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML

by heaventlyassbutt / 11/30/2016 at 7:45am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML

by purpletrout / 11/30/2016 at 1:39am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

by perverted teenage girl / 11/29/2016 at 4:51pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in charge of Thanksgiving dinner. I dressed and stuffed the turkey, popped it in the oven and sent a mass text out to my family about how amazing it would be. Everyone arrived, we began making plates of food when I checked the turkey, and realized I never even turned on the oven. FML

by ArtistBlock / 11/25/2016 at 12:10am / Holidays

Today, I had four separate allergic reactions. The first from the pillow at the hotel I was staying at, the second and third from two separate ice cream parlors due to cross-contamination, and the fourth from peanut dust in the air on the plane ride home from my vacation. FML

by Allergies suck / 11/22/2016 at 10:33am / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

by GoodbyeNewJob / 11/17/2016 at 1:00pm / Work

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

by _sourdiesel7 / 11/10/2016 at 6:39pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I shaved my beard that I wanted to grow for winter, into a goatee for a Skype interview. On the day, the interviewer only used audio. FML

by Beard / 11/08/2016 at 6:14am / Work

Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML

by yoyyo / 11/07/2016 at 1:29am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML

by All The Best People Are Crazy~ / 11/03/2016 at 11:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML

by Imwalkinghere / 11/03/2016 at 9:26pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation