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FML with : Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview I went to cross my legs and realized I had on 2 different shoes

Number of results : 1996

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

#21320480
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21488) - you deserved it (2582)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

#21319715
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26595) - you deserved it (4013)

On 12/18/2014 at 12:59pm - love - by peteto818 (woman) - Bulgaria (Pernik)

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

#21310909
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29979) - you deserved it (3023)

On 12/03/2014 at 6:24pm - animals - by crazy cat lady - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I realized that although I'm dating the most loveable, caring and genuine man, the fact that he's a crack addict means I'll never be his drug of choice when he needs a hit. FML

#21310760
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26439) - you deserved it (18401)

On 12/03/2014 at 1:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

#21309384
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27614) - you deserved it (7479)

On 12/01/2014 at 11:38am - misc - by WickedLittleDoll - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

#21305429
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25830) - you deserved it (3240)

On 11/24/2014 at 9:17pm - misc - by Hammy - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

#21305199
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27368) - you deserved it (7098)

On 11/24/2014 at 2:21pm - work - by stupid - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

#21305050
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37909) - you deserved it (2882)

On 11/24/2014 at 8:44am - love - by ohwell (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, the Salvation Army stationed one of their obnoxious bell-ringers in the mall right outside my store. My employees and I can wave goodbye to any form of sanity for the next month. FML

#21304339
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26039) - you deserved it (4422)

On 11/23/2014 at 5:03am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

#21304265
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31102) - you deserved it (15415)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:10am - misc - by KilledTheMoment - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

#21304063
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29838) - you deserved it (4918)

On 11/22/2014 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

#21303284
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26170) - you deserved it (16426)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:56am - love - by openended - United States (California)

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

#21302674
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31054) - you deserved it (2597)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:23am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that I ran out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

#21302617
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26960) - you deserved it (5881)

On 11/20/2014 at 6:32am - health - by LemonTree (man) - Hungary

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

#21301904
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38004) - you deserved it (2605)

On 11/19/2014 at 3:27am - love - by MissAggravared - United States (Idaho)



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