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Number of results : 1037

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44082) - you deserved it (5155)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my mother crying, telling her how my husband has apparently been cheating on me for months. To my surprise, she didn't interrupt me or cut me off the whole time. Only when she didn't respond, did I realize she'd hung up a half an hour ago. FML

#21200725
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48175) - you deserved it (5322)

On 07/06/2014 at 4:27pm - misc - by ILOVELEDZEPPELIN - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

#21194154
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28665) - you deserved it (41867)

On 06/30/2014 at 7:39pm - kids - by BaWanda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

#21186709
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40301) - you deserved it (4954)

On 06/24/2014 at 2:38pm - love - by doubleCoupon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

#21168837
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44211) - you deserved it (8381)

On 06/09/2014 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML

#21145130
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33896) - you deserved it (52977)

On 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm - love - by clueless - United States (California)

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41862) - you deserved it (8929)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40974) - you deserved it (15292)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

#21139663
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38336) - you deserved it (8088)

On 05/14/2014 at 1:45pm - work - by workfordayzz - United States

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

#21135849
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21539) - you deserved it (51525)

On 05/10/2014 at 4:52pm - intimacy - by vivelawank - United Kingdom

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

#21132154
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46050) - you deserved it (11473)

On 05/06/2014 at 5:11am - misc - by IBS (man) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

#21130579
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40371) - you deserved it (3644)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

#21123315
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53345) - you deserved it (25049)

On 04/26/2014 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Sniffles (man) - Ireland

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

#21123212
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40282) - you deserved it (16857)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada



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