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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Number of results : 190

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

#21280130
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30167) - you deserved it (8209)

On 10/17/2014 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by melissa1028 (woman) - United States

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

#21279077
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33246) - you deserved it (2970)

On 10/16/2014 at 1:07pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

#21270236
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29102) - you deserved it (5135)

On 10/03/2014 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my mom threw away a bag of tiny parts belonging to a $1,700 robot. Naturally, I figured this out at midnight and had to spend 30 minutes digging through three nasty trashcans overflowing with rotten food and spiders. The bag was dripping with what looked like cheese by the time I found it. FML

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

#21261205
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34617) - you deserved it (4392)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

#21216217
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44228) - you deserved it (13460)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - love - by whatjusthappened - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

#21175491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46139) - you deserved it (4210)

On 06/15/2014 at 2:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

#21165186
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48070) - you deserved it (5567)

On 06/06/2014 at 5:26pm - health - by FMyBrain (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

#21135494
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35549) - you deserved it (3410)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my parents decided to get with the times. So far, they've made me get Snapchat and Instagram accounts, and made me add them on Facebook. They keep acting like annoying teenagers, and get mad at me when I don't play along. For the love of god, somebody save me. FML

#21134960
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43763) - you deserved it (4964)

On 05/09/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anais Strongrump III Jr. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML

#21129594
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40831) - you deserved it (4766)

On 05/03/2014 at 12:50pm - love - by wtf - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

#21113585
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48455) - you deserved it (3788)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:01am - love - by cricha4208 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML

#21095673
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36182) - you deserved it (3328)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML

#21092926
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36486) - you deserved it (3685)

On 03/21/2014 at 7:59pm - misc - by please stop singing!!!! - United States (Florida)



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