Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML with : witnes

Number of results : 104

Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML

#21504620
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21010) - you deserved it (1421)

On 12/16/2015 at 10:42pm - kids - by who wants spaghetti - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

#21482519
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28220) - you deserved it (3448)

On 10/21/2015 at 8:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

#21477787
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23686) - you deserved it (5089)

On 10/09/2015 at 2:44am - misc - by Annienomous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML

#21464468
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24944) - you deserved it (2642)

On 09/04/2015 at 10:30am - misc - by fuckyoudeadgunnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

#21457473
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20271) - you deserved it (6591)

On 08/18/2015 at 3:07am - misc - by IrisKitty (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

#21453366
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22963) - you deserved it (1995)

On 08/08/2015 at 1:18am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

#21450116
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23426) - you deserved it (2056)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:48pm - misc - by smf_ds - Portugal (Porto)

Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML

Today, I attempted to break the record for the heaviest squat in my local gym. A small crowd witnessed me breaking the record as well as releasing a huge fart. FML

#21420235
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28130) - you deserved it (5538)

On 06/03/2015 at 1:36pm - health - by YuckyDuckyLucky - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30762) - you deserved it (4212)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I witnessed a man masturbate into a public urinal, miss, fart, and then leave without washing his hands. FML

#21347895
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33381) - you deserved it (2598)

On 02/01/2015 at 6:10pm - health - by grossedout - United States (Virginia)

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

#21342844
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30610) - you deserved it (4003)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:46am - intimacy - by LD - United States (Idaho)

Today, after listening to a group of my friends ranting on about how much they love babies and can't wait to have them, I got to witness their looks of horror and disgust as I expressed my desire to not have children. I also happened to be the only girl there. FML

#21335310
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32182) - you deserved it (3579)

On 01/11/2015 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: