Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car. I was sitting in the front. FML
Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML