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Number of results : 57

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31374) - you deserved it (7353)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

#21075503
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43070) - you deserved it (3573)

On 03/02/2014 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33837) - you deserved it (2444)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

#21064600
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36495) - you deserved it (4749)

On 02/18/2014 at 4:15pm - health - by dating a pussy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43545) - you deserved it (4600)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

#20804901
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41756) - you deserved it (3286)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:55pm - misc - by trailertrashyanditsucks (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

#20799401
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51926) - you deserved it (4225)

On 07/23/2013 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by MenstruallyFrustrated - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my ten year old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

#20473087
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25070) - you deserved it (3419)

On 01/22/2013 at 2:00pm - animals - by What? - Australia

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

#20398310
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21185) - you deserved it (1121)

On 12/13/2012 at 6:44pm - misc - by surrounded by dumbfucks (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

#20196447
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4815) - you deserved it (52484)

On 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

#20195835
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25058) - you deserved it (3941)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57093) - you deserved it (2877)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

#19415832
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19701) - you deserved it (2025)

On 04/06/2012 at 2:15am - work - by akasha (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

#19126336
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20126) - you deserved it (1653)

On 02/20/2012 at 9:15pm - misc - by Carpet cleaner (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

#17836220
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19778) - you deserved it (1805)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:28am - work - by Username - United States (Illinois)



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