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FML with : my wife and

Number of results : 57

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

#21073474
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52587) - you deserved it (4039) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/27/2014 at 7:32pm - love - by Maxime (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52051) - you deserved it (11046)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

#20953867
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44923) - you deserved it (6907)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Thomas - United States (Virginia)

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26448) - you deserved it (52846)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

#20892563
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34561) - you deserved it (5395)

On 09/23/2013 at 1:48am - kids - by numbnuts (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

#20786212
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57020) - you deserved it (8078)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:06pm - love - by ronnieG (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

#20628272
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42047) - you deserved it (3099)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:10pm - health - by verycherryfucked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML

#20494492
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28705) - you deserved it (2252)

On 02/05/2013 at 2:35pm - misc - by vacationless - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

#20487736
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24989) - you deserved it (2044)

On 01/31/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by fuckit (man) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40864) - you deserved it (5794)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

#20123973
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18373) - you deserved it (5089)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm - love - by marriedtoacunt (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was driving home on the highway with my wife and her parents. As I overtook another car, a rock got kicked up into our windshield. My wife screamed about the crack it created, while my mother-in-law goaded her on and mocked my "piss-poor driving." FML

#20085361
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16926) - you deserved it (1684)

On 09/23/2012 at 5:05pm - misc - by future MIL slasher (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument which resulted in her begging for a divorce and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML

#20043524
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26926) - you deserved it (1944)

On 08/26/2012 at 10:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML

#19986265
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23060) - you deserved it (2001)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)



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