FML with : i am the

Number of results : 19

Today, I was hiding Easter eggs around the house when my 7-year-old triplets woke up from their nap and saw me. They quickly realized that I am the Easter Bunny, and then they guessed that I am Santa. Now I have 3 crying second graders. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2016 at 5:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! / 02/01/2015 at 11:17am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

by zl5 / 07/04/2014 at 7:17pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

by that's methed up, darling / 08/16/2013 at 5:33pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

by myasshurts / 10/14/2011 at 7:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

by beforegirl / 11/08/2010 at 4:11pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, after taking my jacket off at work, I found a large faint stain all across one side of my shirt. Turns out that my fiancé had used it to "clean up the bed." I am the manager of a supermarket with 40 employees. It was pretty obvious what it was. FML

by grimatwork / 11/01/2010 at 1:24pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML

by rainydays79 / 01/23/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

by johnG / 12/21/2009 at 10:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I am the RA. FML

by pennyhater / 10/07/2009 at 4:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML

by Pho_Rheal / 09/24/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I was talking to my mom about when I have kids. I told her I may want two or three. She immediately cut me off and told me to stick to one, and that any more than that will be a burden. I am the second born child of my family. FML

by pandabear93 / 09/04/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

by psychedout / 08/10/2009 at 6:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Health