FML with : Intimacy

Number of results : 16

Today, a drunk woman kicked me in the balls for not buying her another drink. That's the closest thing to intimacy I've ever experienced. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2016 at 1:27pm / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

by bonehead69 / 05/31/2015 at 3:06am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, while with a large group of friends, my best friend started talking about my struggles with dating and intimacy. I quietly asked her to stop talking about it, as it was personal and I wasn't comfortable with everyone else knowing. Her response? "Um, it's really none of your business." FML

by guitarki / 04/26/2015 at 2:49pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after two years, my girlfriend finally got over her intimacy and commitment problems, with a guy she met over the summer. FML

by Summer Loving Happened So Fast / 12/02/2014 at 12:59pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2014 at 5:05pm / Israel / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

by Taylor / 04/21/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

by backseatbusted / 05/21/2013 at 12:09pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

by yourmainman / 01/28/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Intimacy

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 12:25am / Denmark (Sjelland) / Love

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

by Susan / 02/28/2012 at 6:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2011 at 8:55pm / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML

by ooblie / 12/08/2010 at 3:22am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

by weirdedout / 05/24/2010 at 11:14am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was ‘This is less work and less involving.’ FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 10:05am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

by RahiYeah09 / 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy