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FML with : daddy

Number of results : 72

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28500) - you deserved it (3033)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

#21326143
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30693) - you deserved it (15338)

On 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML

#21324667
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32960) - you deserved it (5121)

On 12/26/2014 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34283) - you deserved it (3904)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

#21177000
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58729) - you deserved it (4142)

On 06/16/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by FirstDaddy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while we were having sex, my boyfriend asked me, "Who's your daddy?" I actually started thinking about my father. Total buzzkill. FML

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

#20959118
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44823) - you deserved it (4321)

On 11/15/2013 at 8:53pm - kids - by I don't know, son (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

#20943580
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50427) - you deserved it (6473)

On 11/03/2013 at 9:22am - kids - by KittyKat (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

#20892563
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35704) - you deserved it (5534)

On 09/23/2013 at 1:48am - kids - by numbnuts (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

#20766295
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52287) - you deserved it (4471)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:17am - love - by walker - United States

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58596) - you deserved it (4188)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

#20618435
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45222) - you deserved it (5973)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20092) - you deserved it (40733)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML

#19283246
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22323) - you deserved it (2396)

On 03/15/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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