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FML with : head

Number of results : 671

Today, while reading 1984 on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

#21284324
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34050) - you deserved it (2686)

On 10/24/2014 at 9:47am - misc - by anonymous - Austria (Wien)

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

#21284031
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29943) - you deserved it (5155)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34849) - you deserved it (3372)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28629) - you deserved it (3053)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31291) - you deserved it (15514)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

#21276741
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34370) - you deserved it (3220)

On 10/13/2014 at 4:13am - animals - by MissBeyoncé - Namibia (Windhoek)

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

#21274726
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33545) - you deserved it (5070)

On 10/10/2014 at 1:52am - love - by Jasmine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

#21270556
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32809) - you deserved it (3857)

On 10/04/2014 at 8:11am - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33618) - you deserved it (2909)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

#21260940
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39679) - you deserved it (2397)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:56pm - misc - by Lexi801 - United States (Utah)

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

#21255023
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31971) - you deserved it (2619)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:53am - health - by nomfuck - United States (Ohio)

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33634) - you deserved it (5440)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44115) - you deserved it (16425)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML

#21236078
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26717) - you deserved it (19410)

On 08/12/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by bademployee (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

#21229751
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41615) - you deserved it (3531)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:40am - love - by motherlover (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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