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FML with : vampire

Number of results : 9

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37180) - you deserved it (2848)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

#20156173
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16835) - you deserved it (5149)

On 11/09/2012 at 11:07am - love - by loser (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29362) - you deserved it (3636)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

#20080602
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16678) - you deserved it (2383)

On 09/20/2012 at 10:58am - kids - by Hmmmm (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

#20005230
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25979) - you deserved it (5171)

On 08/06/2012 at 2:37am - love - by shastadoe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38124) - you deserved it (5697)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

#3420908
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43285) - you deserved it (14938)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:31am - misc - by Kristache (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

#1834550
641 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91965) - you deserved it (8377)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

#4648
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6104) - you deserved it (17360)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:52am - misc - by anaph0re - Sent from mobile version



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