FML with : vampire

Number of results : 11

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

by JJ / 03/21/2016 at 3:06pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Intimacy

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

by Muralove / 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Geek

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

by Vampprobs / 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

by loser / 11/09/2012 at 11:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

by Hmmmm / 09/20/2012 at 10:58am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

by shastadoe / 08/06/2012 at 2:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

by xBubbles38 / 07/18/2011 at 11:17am / United States / Kids

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

by Kristache / 07/02/2009 at 4:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

by Hallllo / 05/11/2009 at 1:12am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

by anaph0re / 02/01/2009 at 10:52am / Miscellaneous