FML with : *

Number of results : 81

Today, I crawled under a table to plug a new lamp. When I tried to get up, I hit my head on the corner of the same table, getting me my fourth concussion in three years for trying to plug a f***ing lamp. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2016 at 4:37pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 1:14am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 3:50am / United States / Love

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

by Rinelric1998 / 10/30/2013 at 10:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML

by peejay6831 / 09/23/2013 at 2:27am / United States / Work

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

by ughreally / 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML

by swana99 / 09/04/2013 at 4:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

by iwannagotomiamitoo / 08/19/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

by MsAnonymous17 / 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

by pleasekillme / 04/19/2013 at 7:44am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

by Too manly / 03/20/2013 at 12:54am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

by guessnot / 02/03/2013 at 9:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

by TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks / 09/10/2012 at 11:13pm / United States (Washington) / Love