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FML with : pot

Number of results : 415

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

#21318499
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28406) - you deserved it (2093)

On 12/16/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by shit_fer_luck (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

#21313388
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36033) - you deserved it (4307)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm - misc - by pubemilkshake - United States (Utah)

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

#21306439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26222) - you deserved it (1836)

On 11/26/2014 at 9:04pm - work - by caterinette - Portugal

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

#21302094
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31033) - you deserved it (6052)

On 11/19/2014 at 1:44pm - misc - by limpdick9 - United States (California)

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

#21302021
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28696) - you deserved it (3272)

On 11/19/2014 at 10:09am - misc - by Donutsarelife - United States

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

#21301160
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31626) - you deserved it (2376)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:35am - animals - by blindsparrow - United States (California)

Today, I took a army-mandated personality evaluation test. The results said I had a high chance of schizophrenia and multiple personality syndrome. Part of me says that the test is probably spot-on, the other part says it has to be a mistake. Apparently this is another sign of schizophrenia. FML

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

#21291962
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31500) - you deserved it (6117)

On 11/04/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my friend drove up a parking lot and I unbuckled my seatbelt as soon as we were parked. He then suddenly saw a better spot right in front and moved his car. When I got out, a police officer approached me, saying I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. I was fined for that. FML

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35032) - you deserved it (4121)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

#21276883
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36718) - you deserved it (4080)

On 10/13/2014 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35468) - you deserved it (3666)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29860) - you deserved it (10288)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19573) - you deserved it (40095)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

#21268628
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37455) - you deserved it (4556)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm - kids - by Potforapeso (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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