FML with : pot

Number of results : 503

Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of an unresolved issue, the dealership mistakenly reported the rental vehicle I'm using in the meantime as stolen. The police surrounded my work as I was meeting with a potential client. FML

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

by Firequeen / 11/21/2016 at 4:44pm / Holidays

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

by emeraldarcher74 / 11/19/2016 at 1:34pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

by GoodbyeNewJob / 11/17/2016 at 1:00pm / Work

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2016 at 10:39pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I found a great parking spot but I wasn't sure if it was restricted by any means or of I could just park there for free. I asked a police officer walking by and he told me it was alright, only to come back 4 hours later to find a ticket on my windshield. FML

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

by pinkrazorsare4men / 11/15/2016 at 7:51pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was reading on a park bench not far from a grassy spot and a pond. A flock of geese landed on the grassy patch and began to eat some grass. I thought that I may be bothering the geese, but decided if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone as well. I was wrong. Geese are assholes. FML

by Geese Ahoy / 11/14/2016 at 12:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I climbed to the top of the tallest building in my city with this guy I really like. He spotted the girl he had a crush on, and wouldn't shut up about her for the rest of the night. FML

by badatlove / 11/03/2016 at 4:42pm / United States / Love

Today, I've got the worst eczema I've had in 25 years. It's spread to the worst possible spot: right where my thighs touch when I walk. FML

by ItchyGirl / 10/09/2016 at 8:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2016 at 4:22pm / Switzerland / Animals

Today, for the first time in months, a potential employer was willing to give me a job. On my way out of the interview, I tripped over and broke a 1000 dollar glass table. FML

by Nic / 09/13/2016 at 4:16pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I parked in my "employee of the month" parking spot by the front of the store and started my shift. About halfway through my shift, a customer backed into my vehicle, got out and checked, then drove off before I could come outside. Perks of being the best employee I can be. FML

by Thomas P. / 08/27/2016 at 12:49pm / Work

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

by ThankfullyNotKickedOut / 08/26/2016 at 2:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML

by Thank you, exactly what I wanted Sergeant / 08/21/2016 at 9:53am / Work