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FML with : pot

Number of results : 407

Today, my friend drove up a parking lot and I unbuckled my seatbelt as soon as we were parked. He then suddenly saw a better spot right in front and moved his car. When I got out, a police officer approached me, saying I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. I was fined for that. FML

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33451) - you deserved it (4058)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

#21276883
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36420) - you deserved it (4054)

On 10/13/2014 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35217) - you deserved it (3646)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29796) - you deserved it (10261)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19538) - you deserved it (39982)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

#21268628
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37355) - you deserved it (4547)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm - kids - by Potforapeso (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

#21264426
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (272) - you deserved it (2676)

On 09/24/2014 at 9:58am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
80 comments

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

#21257129
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36209) - you deserved it (8461)

On 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

#21244497
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36590) - you deserved it (5334)

On 08/24/2014 at 4:03pm - work - by fucked - United States (California)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43559) - you deserved it (16557)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

#21236566
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37897) - you deserved it (4540)

On 08/13/2014 at 10:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

#21230545
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35347) - you deserved it (3250)

On 08/05/2014 at 11:35pm - work - by ditched - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

#21230350
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36505) - you deserved it (8840)

On 08/05/2014 at 7:46pm - misc - by spekledworf (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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