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FML with : pot

Number of results : 341

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

#20726673
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38506) - you deserved it (15889)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by Jill (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

#20709141
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40826) - you deserved it (7110)

On 06/06/2013 at 4:49am - misc - by dollabill009 - United States

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

#20698730
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53160) - you deserved it (2275)

On 06/01/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by regstl - United States (Oregon)

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

#20695090
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41404) - you deserved it (3157)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

#20683433
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30965) - you deserved it (37016)

On 05/24/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by obnum - United States (New York)

Today, my 6-year-old son spotted a bumper sticker that said, "Get any closer and I'll fart." He thought this was so hilarious that he had to repeat it to everyone he met. Including my doctor, my grandma, and my boss at "bring your kid to work day." FML

#20682342
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31532) - you deserved it (4016)

On 05/23/2013 at 6:48pm - kids - by Mary (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

#20662885
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39854) - you deserved it (2962)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

#20660668
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33879) - you deserved it (3280)

On 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

#20653345
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35828) - you deserved it (7057)

On 05/09/2013 at 11:11pm - health - by ZydecosGirl - United States (North Carolina)

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19785) - you deserved it (36913)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

#20602754
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37847) - you deserved it (10807)

On 04/18/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by thanks, my fellow americans - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

#20572997
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40611) - you deserved it (3827)

On 04/03/2013 at 9:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a Monday to Friday only parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML

#20546325
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27682) - you deserved it (11269)

On 03/16/2013 at 4:04pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34465) - you deserved it (5149)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I went to the store for a warranty claim on my prescription glasses due to little spots that had appeared on the lenses, covering both. It took 2 seconds for the employee to determine that it was hairspray. FML

#20534438
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5272) - you deserved it (27480)

On 03/07/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by jmrz - Puerto Rico



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