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FML with : pot

Number of results : 422

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

#21361977
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27014) - you deserved it (4599)

On 02/23/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by hatemebeforetheyevenhatch (woman) - United Kingdom (West Dunbartonshire)

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

#21353086
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27923) - you deserved it (4980)

On 02/09/2015 at 11:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29868) - you deserved it (3276)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I fell asleep curling my bangs. I now look like Mrs. Potato head. FML

#21345701
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17460) - you deserved it (11201)

On 01/28/2015 at 5:20pm - misc - by WildShortstop13 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML

#21342099
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32233) - you deserved it (2656)

On 01/22/2015 at 4:02am - health - by shifala (man) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML

#21330412
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31512) - you deserved it (1918)

On 01/04/2015 at 1:46am - work - by gothicvamp93 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

#21322774
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26551) - you deserved it (2577)

On 12/23/2014 at 3:58pm - work - by whut - United States

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

#21322225
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25416) - you deserved it (2146)

On 12/22/2014 at 6:15pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

#21318499
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29832) - you deserved it (2125)

On 12/16/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by shit_fer_luck (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

#21313388
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36946) - you deserved it (4335)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm - misc - by pubemilkshake - United States (Utah)

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

#21306439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26300) - you deserved it (1840)

On 11/26/2014 at 9:04pm - work - by caterinette - Portugal

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

#21302094
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (6373)

On 11/19/2014 at 1:44pm - misc - by limpdick9 - United States (California)

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

#21302021
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29535) - you deserved it (3597)

On 11/19/2014 at 10:09am - misc - by Donutsarelife - United States

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

#21301160
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32703) - you deserved it (2634)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:35am - animals - by blindsparrow - United States (California)

Today, I took a army-mandated personality evaluation test. The results said I had a high chance of schizophrenia and multiple personality syndrome. Part of me says that the test is probably spot-on, the other part says it has to be a mistake. Apparently this is another sign of schizophrenia. FML



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