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FML with : balls

Number of results : 137

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

#21523593
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15809) - you deserved it (1155)

On 02/07/2016 at 2:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML

#21518234
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22664) - you deserved it (1761)

On 01/22/2016 at 3:55pm - love - by believe me now?? (man) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, a tailgating idiot rear-ended me at a red light, then had the balls to say it was my fault for "driving too close" to his car. FML

#21486416
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23325) - you deserved it (1333)

On 10/31/2015 at 6:20am - misc - by fuck off you fucking shitburglar (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I dropped my phone between my legs and tried to catch it with my thighs. Instead, the phone fell through just as I crushed my own balls with my legs. FML

#21486155
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19535) - you deserved it (4714)

On 10/30/2015 at 1:01pm - health - by MedChew - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I walked in on my best friend with his hand down my girlfriend's pants and her moaning for him to "keep going". She had the brass balls to claim she had a "tummy ache" and that he was just rubbing her stomach better. I may be a total dumbass, but I'm not THAT stupid. FML

#21483470
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35238) - you deserved it (2194)

On 10/23/2015 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

#21472609
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24247) - you deserved it (2733)

On 09/25/2015 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by Enanimus (man) - United States (California)

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

#21466376
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22150) - you deserved it (4843)

On 09/09/2015 at 1:09am - health - by davetherave1983 (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25968) - you deserved it (6546)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer approached me, smiling and asked what kind of cheese was in our cheddar cheese balls. Thinking he was joking, I laughed and said "swiss." He ordered, found they were indeed cheddar cheese, and reported me. FML

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

#21455380
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23017) - you deserved it (1994)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:44pm - kids - by jjjjjohn cena - United States (Nebraska)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31396) - you deserved it (2660)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

#21447515
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24170) - you deserved it (2737)

On 07/26/2015 at 1:29pm - misc - by arch maester shavayalsharashion (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

#21446517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28960) - you deserved it (2859)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by fuck (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

#21443849
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24967) - you deserved it (2201)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:02am - kids - by facepalming all the way (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

#21439786
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26800) - you deserved it (3781)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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