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FML with : balls

Number of results : 122

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

#21432346
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11826) - you deserved it (36003)

On 06/26/2015 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I accidentally hit my husband in the face. Not 2 minutes later, while laying in bed and trying to apologize, I accidentally kneed him in the balls. FML

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

#21417667
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15269) - you deserved it (23464)

On 05/29/2015 at 4:15pm - health - by not a kiddy fiddler really (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

#21410715
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27737) - you deserved it (2359)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32471) - you deserved it (5354)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

#21399850
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32517) - you deserved it (3091)

On 04/26/2015 at 4:19am - love - by fuck you (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30985) - you deserved it (3075)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

#21349488
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30052) - you deserved it (2437)

On 02/04/2015 at 2:44am - misc - by Sprinkles (man) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

#21334865
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26487) - you deserved it (3157)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:57am - love - by kumcat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

#21290736
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34859) - you deserved it (6967)

On 11/02/2014 at 7:11pm - money - by ethawesome1125 - United States (Texas)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37828) - you deserved it (3059)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

#21259403
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27530) - you deserved it (4133)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:20pm - health - by I need a new ballsack. (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

#21251355
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32132) - you deserved it (5053)

On 09/03/2014 at 7:13pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

#21239517
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42661) - you deserved it (13835)

On 08/17/2014 at 2:15am - kids - by you ripped them off ages ago (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)



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