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FML with : masturbating

Number of results : 87

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

#21525394
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9298) - you deserved it (600)

On 02/12/2016 at 4:00am - intimacy - by scarredforlife (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I tutored a third grade girl after school. She was squirming so much I thought she had to go to the bathroom. Turns out, she was just masturbating on the corner of a school chair. FML

Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML

#21506706
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24080) - you deserved it (2021)

On 12/22/2015 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

#21472718
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31556) - you deserved it (2008)

On 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

#21452257
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26077) - you deserved it (2194)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

#21436083
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29059) - you deserved it (2662)

On 07/03/2015 at 10:31pm - misc - by okaydisarray (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

#21422751
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27473) - you deserved it (5023)

On 06/08/2015 at 9:35am - intimacy - by LZapped (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

#21388711
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34154) - you deserved it (2404)

On 04/06/2015 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by therewasnocurtain - United States (Idaho)

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

#21335578
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34567) - you deserved it (7363)

On 01/12/2015 at 2:56am - intimacy - by briiiiiiii123 - United States (New York)

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31293) - you deserved it (26142)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

#21234785
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38598) - you deserved it (3500)

On 08/11/2014 at 11:02am - misc - by welptimetoburntheplacedown (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48712) - you deserved it (10861)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

#21022453
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63145) - you deserved it (7542)

On 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

#21015691
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67733) - you deserved it (7909)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by notsohandy (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)



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