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FML with : Shit

Number of results : 353

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

#21395495
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20649) - you deserved it (1352)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm - health - by khaoslife - United States (Kentucky)

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

#21392323
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27215) - you deserved it (2428)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:42am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

#21391420
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26015) - you deserved it (2837)

On 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm - misc - by dickhead (woman) - United States

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30263) - you deserved it (2118)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

#21390594
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26300) - you deserved it (3193)

On 04/09/2015 at 11:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML

#21389247
101 comments

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

#21387285
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27182) - you deserved it (2749)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

#21385144
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28650) - you deserved it (3091)

On 04/01/2015 at 2:06am - love - by Anon - United States (California)

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

#21382942
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26920) - you deserved it (1845)

On 03/28/2015 at 11:50am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML

#21382495
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11203) - you deserved it (37399)

On 03/27/2015 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

#21381329
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31298) - you deserved it (4074)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

#21380708
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27778) - you deserved it (3533)

On 03/24/2015 at 12:51pm - misc - by faaail - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27299) - you deserved it (2063)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

#21371880
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64) - you deserved it (3794)

On 03/10/2015 at 2:43pm - kids - by LameChef (man) - Poland

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

#21370481
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31832) - you deserved it (14)

On 03/08/2015 at 12:42pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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