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FML with : Shit

Number of results : 336

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17447) - you deserved it (3261)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19992) - you deserved it (8949)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML

#21342765
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27335) - you deserved it (2293)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:27am - work - by Mishlette (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

#21341346
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30470) - you deserved it (2415)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

#21339093
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28221) - you deserved it (4801) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2015 at 4:12pm - animals - by Titatoum - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20769) - you deserved it (12168)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

#21336619
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31796) - you deserved it (4958)

On 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

#21334608
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34632) - you deserved it (2350)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

#21324827
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29705) - you deserved it (3095)

On 12/26/2014 at 6:06pm - love - by GOAWAY - United States (Missouri)

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, at the fast food joint I work at, I had to climb into the children's play area and chase out two horny teens who thought it was an appropriate place to stick their hands down each other's pants and fool around. I don't get paid enough for this shit. FML

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

#21309261
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29720) - you deserved it (2984)

On 12/01/2014 at 2:30am - money - by shitty candles - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

#21304109
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32755) - you deserved it (3047)

On 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

#21303585
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25830) - you deserved it (2650)

On 11/21/2014 at 10:29pm - kids - by angkal2002 - Australia

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

#21303377
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31385) - you deserved it (4109)

On 11/21/2014 at 3:07pm - misc - by Veronica - United States (California)



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